You are not alone
Hola luminous one,
She’s still breathing.
When that’s the thing you keep hearing on repeat whilst you try to not lose your shit as you see your daughter lying unconscious on the judo mat – you know in your heart of hearts that we’re not just body and mind.
Just thinking about it I can sense that tear tingling sensation running up my nose like ants looking for safety.
It sucked. It royally sucked.
She had her final competition with a girl 5 years her senior, a black belt and the favourite to win the entire tournament. It was impossible for her to score against her, let alone beat her.
She walked on to her combat with the confidence of a lioness gently approaching her pray.
May you move with the playfulness of a hummingbird
The precision of an eagle
Awaken all your senses like a snake
And attack with the strength of a jaguar
I invoke this prayer every time she walks on the mat.
First interaction she grabs her opponent’s lapel and unexpectedly does one of her favourite judo moves (I won’t pretend to know the name, it’s in Japanese) and the crowd roars with excitement because this wasn’t supposed to happen and it was beautifully executed.
We’re still in the celebration of her score – it doesn’t seem that impossible now – in an instant the more experienced judoka twists and turns like a pretzel and manages to strangle* my baby girl.
I see her leg shake as the oxygen is cut from her throat to her brain.
Fuck.
I see everything in slow motion.
I hear my husband in fight mode “stop the fucking fight, she can’t breathe! Get the paramedics in!!!”
I’m frozen, but very much aware that she is still breathing.
A fellow mum places her hand on my shoulder and I begin to cry – to release.
I’m on my knees and I swear to you – I see a jaguar resting on all fours next to her – flapping her tail and liking her paw. In that moment I hear
no está sola {she’s not alone}
You’re not alone
It doesn’t end here and what happened next will blow your mind.
But before I head to the airport to pick up my better half – he’s finally arrived to the land of volcanoes - I’ll sign off by saying this:
If your inner cynic rears their head and tries to undermine your Spiritual connection – allow them too. Even when they say:
it’s all in your head
that makes you really weird
don’t say THAT out loud
Play your favourite song and invite them to the dance floor. They want to be acknowledged, be seen and heard too.
And if this world is one that intrigues you, and you’re unsure how to make your move into it with joy, playfulness and integrity then you must check this out. Or if you’re very much like “the Spirit world is my jam!” then click here too.
IN JOY, POWER + SPIRIT
x
Caro
P. S. Enjoy your winter solstice and the festive season with your loved ones. My one wish for you today and every day is that you continue to play, create, sing and dance. xxx
*P.P.S Yes, this is allowed in judo - you must tap out before you lose consciousness, if you don't then…well, it's a rite of passage.
