Sh*t + Shame

Can we do a collective “awwwwwwwww"?! 

 Ok. Good. Glad we got that one out of the way.

 My big brother is in town and we got to talking about parenting, children and the fuck ups. He doesn't have kids, but we've both had moments of “shit, can't believe our parents did that!”

 And I've had those moments too with these young Goddesses. “Shit, I can't believe I did that”

 One of the biggest ones - and this is hard to admit - is that I left them cry in the night when they were tiny. More than once. The shame.

 “They're going to think you're an awful human being - why are you saying this! Shut up! Escape! Stoooopppppp!”

 I've said it anyway. 

It still makes me want to cry. The only reason I can tell you about it now is because I've done a lot of self-forgiveness and self-compassion around it.

And the other reason - I told two beautiful women I trust about it and immediately I felt better. This has taken me many years to voice and in a moment my body could not hold it anymore and it came out. It was beautiful to be heard and held.

 Now, I'm not saying you go out there and share your vulnerabilities with the world, especially when you haven't processed those vulnerabilities and allowed for compassion, self-love and forgiveness. 

 What I am saying is this:

 I wish I had a circle of women I could've gone to back then.

 To be totally out of my mind tired, cry and say “I'm exhausted, I haven't slept in days and all I want is help with cleaning my home, cooking, my other child and these creative ideas that keep flowing whilst my tender bleeding breasts recover after every feed.” 
And for them to say, “WE'VE GOT YOU."

 Motherhood really does take a village. 

 And yet we're expected to do it all! On our own. Mostly. The career, the kids, the husband, the amazing home, the wellbeing routines, the whole-nine-fucking-yards - and if you somehow manage to do this and not loose your mind “wow! she's superwoman!” we're told.

I'm on my bleed so I have no desire for BS. This First name/Goddess is a lie.

I do believe you can have it all. And it requires massive honesty and discernment to know when the time is for what.

 AND with a shit ton of support.

 I want my daughters to grow in a world were they know support is available.

 Where getting together with other women feels safe and is standard in our society, like it was millennia ago.

 So that when they have their kids - if they choose to - they have somewhere to break down, cry and maybe (if the mood strikes) to dance. 

Out of a broken heart, we have art

What world are you creating?

 In joy + power,

 Caro